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Jokes!


Paint_boy
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Here you can tell jokes that are family safe :D You even win a prize for best joke. The prize is me telling you "Good Job"

I'll start off with one of my favorites as a kid:

This guy was on the beach and a genie comes out of nowhere and says "Hello! I will grant you one wish. However, you enemies will receive double of what you ask for" so the man says "OK, I wish I was half dead"

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Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

 

The Doctor: There was a goblin, or a trickster, or a warrior... A nameless, terrible thing, soaked in the blood of a billion galaxies. The most feared being in all the cosmos. And nothing could stop it, or hold it, or reason with it. One day it would just drop out of the sky and tear down your world.
Amy: But how did it end up in there?
The Doctor: You know fairy tales. A good wizard tricked it.
River Song: I hate good wizards in fairy tales; they always turn out to be him.

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A rabbi, a priest, and a nun walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey, what is this, some kind of joke?"

 

The Doctor: There was a goblin, or a trickster, or a warrior... A nameless, terrible thing, soaked in the blood of a billion galaxies. The most feared being in all the cosmos. And nothing could stop it, or hold it, or reason with it. One day it would just drop out of the sky and tear down your world.
Amy: But how did it end up in there?
The Doctor: You know fairy tales. A good wizard tricked it.
River Song: I hate good wizards in fairy tales; they always turn out to be him.

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Ever hear the one about the airplane? Nah, never mind. It's over your head...

 

The Doctor: There was a goblin, or a trickster, or a warrior... A nameless, terrible thing, soaked in the blood of a billion galaxies. The most feared being in all the cosmos. And nothing could stop it, or hold it, or reason with it. One day it would just drop out of the sky and tear down your world.
Amy: But how did it end up in there?
The Doctor: You know fairy tales. A good wizard tricked it.
River Song: I hate good wizards in fairy tales; they always turn out to be him.

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So this guy goes to prison, right? and he's there, one night.. first night.. After lights out, the place gets kinda quiet...

Then he hears someone shout '49!' and the place bursts up laughing..

A few minutes later, someone shouts '53!' and the place bursts into laughter again..

after a few more of these, he turns to his bunkmate asking what's the deal, and his bunkmate tells him that all the jokes have been told so many times in here, that everyone already knows them. So to make things easier, they numbered the jokes. Just shout a number, the other inmates will think of the corrosponding joke, and everyone laught..

So after a moment, the new guys decides to give it a try. He waits for a lull and then shouts '14!'.. no one laughs..

He turns back to the bunkmate and asks what's up, and the bunk mate replies, "You know how it goes. Some people can tell a joke. Some people can't."

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