MikeRobe

The Comedy Thread

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Ear doctor to a blonde: "Could you please put a hand over your other ear? The sun is quite blinding."

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One blonde to the other: "Shall I tell my parents that I am adopted?"

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How do you confuse a blonde? 
That is impossible. They're already born that way.

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A blonde girl says to her friend, "I think Bill is cheating on me. I'm no longer even sure the kids are mine."
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Why was the blonde running in circles around her bed?
She was trying to catch up on her sleep.

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A blondie comes to the emergency room with burns on both ears and says, “Doctor, I was totally lost in thoughts and my phone rang and I picked up a hot iron instead.”
The doctor wonders, “And what happened to the other ear?”
The blonde girl replies, “Well I had to call my boyfriend to take me to the hospital!”

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A guy is telling a brunette some blonde jokes. Finally she interrupts him and says, “It’s really funny and everything, but I’m actually a blonde, I’ve been dyeing my hair for years.” 
“Oh”, hesitates the man, “um, should I start over and talk very, very slowly?”

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One shark says to the other: “I ate a diver last week. I’m still sick from all the plastic.”
The other shark waves a fin: “That’s nothing. I ate a blonde last week. She was such an airhead I still can't dive.”

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One  I have  always thought was funny in its own right. 

There will always be those quiet rebels among us

birdflippin.jpg

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My aunt and uncle had people that would constantly drop in unannounced and just in time for dinner. Then, they would wait until very late before leaving.

They'd never offer to help with things like dishes/cleanup or prep work. They'd just show up to eat dinner and drink after dinner drinks.

When my aunt finally decided that enough was enough, she made sure the guests were able to see her put the dinner plates on the floor for the dogs to lick clean and then put them immediately back in the cupboard.

The guests stopped coming for dinner.

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My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion.

He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

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A couple has young child. The couple divorced and are fighting for child custody.

 

Woman: This child came out from my body, he belongs to me!

 

The man thought for a while...

 

Man: When a person goes to ATM and gets money, does the money belong to the ATM?

 

Man: Obviously belongs to the person who inserts the card!

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The Camels

The little camel asks his mother:

Mum why do we have these big humps?

Because in these hump there is some water and in the hot desert we can drink.

And mum. Why do we have this large fur?

Because the dessert at night is so cold and then we don’t feel cold.

And mum. Why do we got these big hoofs.

Because the desert the sand is hot and the hoofs save us from the hot?

But mum. What the <No cursing.> are we doing here in the national zoo?

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Blonde

 

A blonde comes to her office in a terrible state, crying… 
The boss is concerned and asks what happened. 
“My dad just died!” sobs the blonde. 
“That is terrible, Sandy, you know, you should go home and take the time for yourself.” 
The blonde agrees and goes home.
The next day she’s kind of fine – until mid-day when she’s all in tears again. 
“What’s wrong?” asks the boss. 
“This is unbelievable,” wails the blonde, “I’ve just spoken to my brother – and his dad just died too!”
 

Edited by Seerose
Sentence forgotten to write.
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When do you know that a blonde was on the PC?

If Tipp-Ex is on the screen!
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What makes the blonde when the computer burns ???

She presses on delete!

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Why does a blonde put her computer on the floor?

So he can not crash!

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Why does a blonde make a bucket of water next to the computer?

So she can surf the Internet!

 

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Blonde at the bar: "Please a martini!"

Asks the bartender: "Dry?" -

"No, one is enough!"
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How do you recognize that a FAX was sent by a blonde?

On the stamp.
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A blonde has got triplets. The nurse comes in with the children.

Says the blonde: "I take that in the middle!"
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Why do the blondes change the diapers of their child only every month?

Because it says: "Up to 20 pounds"
 

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Two men approach each other from opposite sides of a swiftly flowing river.

 

One man shouts across to the other, "I NEED YOU TO HELP ME GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!"

 

The other yells back, "YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE!"

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5Tzs6.jpg.5f9685d57194c8a9bf1ff8e33a432432.jpgDarn technology

316285_332078930228665_1376619983_n.jpg.6703c4d0e8c235b315feafd69699fb1d.jpg the rhymes of my youth commin' back........?Why?? 971805_10150331141774978_1424515285_n.jpg.062ff6091ccfc268d3001744827397a0.jpg sometimes reading English isn't all its cracked up to be

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