welshblue 3,560 Report post Posted July 4 ... all jokes about my wife are tongue in cheek. She bests me every time. In each and every way 7 hours after the event I'm still scratching my head how I went from wallpapering behind the cooker ... to agreeing to a new dining set, a new cooker hood and handles for the cupboards. Jedi mind tricks ... 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ego Eram Reputo 2,558 Report post Posted July 5 8 hours ago, welshblue said: Jedi mind tricks ... 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Seerose 4,224 Report post Posted July 11 Be Quiet A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. „But officer,“ the man began, „I can explain…“ „Just be quiet,“ snapped the officer. „I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.“ „But, officer, I just wanted to say…,“ „And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!“ A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, „Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.“ „Don’t count on it,“ answered the fellow in the cell. „I’m the groom.“ 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BoltBait 3,032 Report post Posted July 18 Here is my second favorite paradox: If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie Up, he cannot give it to you as he will never give you up. However, in doing so, he lets you down. Thus creating the Astley Paradox. So, what could possibly be better than that? I'm glad you asked. Herein is my favorite paradox: Suppose you marry a widow who already has a grown up daughter. Your father meets the daughter at your wedding and they get married. Now, the widow's daughter becomes your mother as she's married to your father. Since your mother's mother is your wife, your wife is also your grandmother. As the husband of your grandmother, you become your own grandpa! 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cornemuse 56 Report post Posted July 21 The original version!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3CvRC4fAmk 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
welshblue 3,560 Report post Posted July 23 I hate my bathroom scales. Today I stood on them and it shouted, " Hey back off - Social Distancing still applies, one person at a time ..." 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Seerose 4,224 Report post Posted July 24 One day a blonde goes into an electronics store and says, "I'd like to buy that TV there." The salesman replies, "Sorry, but we don't sell to blondes anymore. It's been nothing but trouble lately!" But since the blonde really wants the set, she comes back the next day with dyed hair. "I'd like that TV there." He says, "We don't sell to blondes." She's surprised. "How did you know I was a blonde?" He says, "That's not a TV, that's a microwave oven." 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
welshblue 3,560 Report post Posted July 24 @Seerose ... I loved that 👍 It reminds me of a blonde joke that's too risque to post here ... 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Seerose 4,224 Report post Posted July 25 Hole in the Garden Little Mary was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, „What are you up to there, Mary?“ „My goldfish died,“ replied Mary tearfully, without looking up, „and I’ve just buried him.“ The neighbor was concerned, „That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?“ Mary patted down the last heap of earth then replied, „That’s because he’s inside your cat.“ 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
welshblue 3,560 Report post Posted July 26 ... unsure if it's funny or tragic ... 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Seerose 4,224 Report post Posted July 26 Why is there barbed wire in a blonde's bathtub? So she won't swim so far out! --------------------------------- How did the blonde die drinking milk? The cow fell on her. ---------------------------------- How can you drive a blonde woman crazy? You send her into a round room and tell her "There's a grand in the corner." 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BoltBait 3,032 Report post Posted July 29 You'll never guess who I bumped into when I was out getting my glasses fixed! Spoiler Everyone. 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
welshblue 3,560 Report post Posted July 30 13 hours ago, BoltBait said: You'll never guess who I bumped into when I was out getting my glasses fixed! That's so bad it's hilarious 😀 If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that! 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
welshblue 3,560 Report post Posted July 30 The height of frustration ... when Leapfrog is your favourite game and you walk into a Mosque ... 🐸 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Seerose 4,224 Report post Posted July 30 What does a blonde say when you ask her the difference between a white and a brown cow? The brown one gives cocoa... ------------------------------------------- Why does a blonde put her computer on the floor? - So it can't crash. --------------------------------------------- How can you tell that a FAX was sent by a blonde? By the stamp. ----------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Djisves 341 Report post Posted July 30 5 hours ago, welshblue said: The height of frustration You have it all wrong. That'll be bliss! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
