Maximilian 1,925 Report post Posted February 26, 2017 —Why don't crabs give to charity? —Because they're shellfish 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BoltBait 3,021 Report post Posted February 26, 2017 Today I met the man who invented the crossword puzzle. I can't remember his name. But, it was P something something T something something something... 4 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Seerose 4,223 Report post Posted February 28, 2017 (edited) Edited April 17, 2018 by Seerose 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Maximilian 1,925 Report post Posted March 1, 2017 — What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms? — HeHe ? 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Seerose 4,223 Report post Posted March 2, 2017 (edited) @Maximilian! Edited April 17, 2018 by Seerose 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lynxster4 2,962 Report post Posted March 6, 2017 (edited) Edited July 29, 2017 by lynxster4 re-hosted image 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Maximilian 1,925 Report post Posted March 6, 2017 On 2/3/2017 at 0:16 PM, Seerose said: @Maximilian! Boss: “How good are you at PowerPoint?” Me: “I Excel at it.” Boss: “Was that a Microsoft Office pun?” Me: “Word.” 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BoltBait 3,021 Report post Posted March 7, 2017 What starts with 'w' and ends with 'hat'. Spoiler It's not a question. 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Seerose 4,223 Report post Posted March 11, 2017 An american farmer is on a holiday to europe and he's bragging to another hotel guest, also a farmer, about his property. He's got more cattle, a bigger ranch, a bigger house, but he only seems to bore the other farmer. Finally, he really tries to impress him by saying: "When I take my car and drive all around my ranch, it takes me a whole week!", to which te other one replies: "Yes, I had a car like that once." 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BoltBait 3,021 Report post Posted March 11, 2017 I entered a beauty contest. Not only did I come in last, but I got 37 get well cards. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pixey 4,419 Report post Posted March 11, 2017 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Maximilian 1,925 Report post Posted March 12, 2017 Today I wanted to watch the World Origami Championship on TV, but sadly it was only available on paper view 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Seerose 4,223 Report post Posted March 12, 2017 A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender: Brunette: "I'll have a B and C." Bartender:"What is a B and C?". Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke." Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T." Bartender: "What's a G and T?" Redhead: "Gin and tonic." Blonde: "I'll have a 15." Bartender: "What's a 15?" Blonde: "7 and 7" 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Maximilian 1,925 Report post Posted March 12, 2017 — How do you get an astronaut's baby to sleep? — How? — You rocket! 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lynxster4 2,962 Report post Posted March 14, 2017 (edited) Edited July 29, 2017 by lynxster4 re-hosted image 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Maximilian 1,925 Report post Posted March 15, 2017 A little boy swallowed some coins and was taken to hospital. When his mom asked a nurse how he was doing, the nurse replied “no change yet”. As for the mom, no one had realized her dental implant until it came out in this conversation. Now, I'm never a grumbler when it comes to toothaches because I've been to the dentist's a number of times, and so I know the drill. (Hope you liked the anecdotes ) 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Seerose 4,223 Report post Posted March 15, 2017 Zoo Keeper to his wife:"I've lost one of my elephant's" His wife:"Why don't you put an advert in the paper?" Zoo Keeper:"Don't be silly, he can't read!" 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pixey 4,419 Report post Posted March 16, 2017 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BoltBait 3,021 Report post Posted March 17, 2017 Think of all the time I'll save by never having to buy toilet paper again! 4 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Seerose 4,223 Report post Posted March 18, 2017 Teacher:"Why were you late?" "Sorry, teacher, I overslept". "You mean you need to sleep at home too!" 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cornemuse 56 Report post Posted March 19, 2017 Englishman walks into a bar and sits down when he notices a pen on the floor. He picks it up and says to the guy next to him "oi mate is this your scribbler." The Irishman sitting beside him says "give it here till i have a look" and with that begins writing on some paper. "Wank it is and all." Says the Irishman. "How ya know?" Says the Englishman. "Sure its my handwriting." Says Paddy 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Seerose 4,223 Report post Posted March 21, 2017 Fat patient: Doctor, I want to lose weight fast. Doctor: It is very easy, just keep shaking your head, left and right. Fat patient: All the time? Doctor: No, only when someone offers you food. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Maximilian 1,925 Report post Posted March 22, 2017 John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind. 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Seerose 4,223 Report post Posted March 23, 2017 (edited) Edited April 17, 2018 by Seerose 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ego Eram Reputo 2,553 Report post Posted March 23, 2017 Brilliant. 1 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
