MikeRobe

The Comedy Thread

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables.

He picked up a CD player to place in his sack, when a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

 

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

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My wife asked me once if she was the only one I've been with

 

"Of course darling ... the others were 9's and 10's ..." 

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14 hours ago, Ego Eram Reputo said:

I checked the first 23 decimal places. From memory. Does this make me a nerd? ☺

 

No but you have one heck of a memory!

 

(Still mad about the lack of decimal point.)

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On 8/13/2019 at 10:28 AM, Ego Eram Reputo said:

I checked the first 23 decimal places. From memory. Does this make me a nerd?

 

I'm impressed.  I can't remember 11 digit phone numbers 

 

Give a big hand to the winner of this years Best Thief in Saudi Arabia Award ...

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On 8/12/2019 at 1:19 PM, LionsDragon said:

 

Where's the decimal? Where's the decimal?!?

 

Its a joke, Its a joke.

"No rational" person etc etc

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More from the "life as a programmer" file...

 

explain.jpg

 

named.jpg

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Finally, a t-shirt for sports fans like me...

shirt.jpg

 

Car stuff...

 

jackpot.jpg

 

cardrawing.jpg

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Someone stole my antidepressants.  Whoever they are, I hope they're happy

 

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I picked up a hitchhiker the other day. He seemed fine. After a couple minutes, he thanked me for picking him up and then asked me if I was afraid that he was a serial killer. I told him, “No. The odds of two serial killers being in the same car at the same time was incredibly small.”

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:arrow-up:😂

 

Chloroform.  A serial killers favourite essential oil ... 

 

It's important to be comfortable in your own skin, because it's illegal to wear someone else's 🤐

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