TrevorOutlaw 229 Report post Posted July 8 Co-worker told me today that he got a part time job working for Samsung's store. He proudly said, "I guess you can say that I am the Guardian of the Galaxy." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LionsDragon 836 Report post Posted July 10 On 7/8/2019 at 3:32 PM, TrevorOutlaw said: Co-worker told me today that he got a part time job working for Samsung's store. He proudly said, "I guess you can say that I am the Guardian of the Galaxy." May I please slap your coworker? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LionsDragon 836 Report post Posted July 10 8 hours ago, welshblue said: In other news, Willie still has not found his bike. However, it's easy to find his tour bus: just look for the one with smoke pouring out the windows. 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BoltBait 2,526 Report post Posted July 10 1 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ego Eram Reputo 2,362 Report post Posted July 10 Took my wife to the Doctor yesterday to see about her Tourettes. She doesn't have it. Apparently I am an D***head and she does want me to F off. 3 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
welshblue 2,648 Report post Posted July 11 What did Michael Jackson and a grocery bag have in common ? They're both made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with Say what you want about paedophiles but fair play, at least they drive slowly through school zones 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BoltBait 2,526 Report post Posted July 11 This should give you some idea of what having robot overlords will be like: 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BoltBait 2,526 Report post Posted July 14 2 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
welshblue 2,648 Report post Posted July 15 (edited) @BoltBait ... some would say there's only a colour difference between water and Heineken 😉 Edited July 15 by welshblue 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
macneacail 1 Report post Posted July 16 some would say there's only a colour difference between water and Heineken 1. You leave home and drive 2 hours at 2 am to Houston to catch a plane - no beer 2. You fly to NY and find out you have to change airports - no beer 3. You take a bus - no beer 4. You fly to Toronto - no beer 5. You fly to some small place in Novo Scotia and buy a Scottish T Shirt - Which you can not wear anywhere as it says "If I was wearing underpants it would be a dress it is a kilt" - Canadian Beer 6. Your father dies in Australia so you arrange to fly to Australia -- 7. Fly to Toronto - no beer 8. Fly to Rome - no beer under 15 dollars a can - El Cheapo airlines 9 Arrive late need hotel 10. Taxi driver says fixed fee in Rome -- agree to pay 50 Euros - he drives you to Hotel 1 block from airport - no beer at Hotel - but the lady wanted to know if I wanted an hour or a night 11. Walk to airport 12. Catch plane to Qatar - coke 13. Catch plane to Sydney - sleep 14. Get off in Sydney and no one at airport - no beer 15 Wait two hours - decide to take train home 16. Trains cancelled to Newcastle - put on bus with 15 small kids who are all sick and coughing -- is nose dribble that is yellow bad or is the green worse - no drinks 17. Ring daughter tell her if she not pick you up you will say terrible things to her boyfriend about the pictures - no pictures but it always works 18. 4 hours later after trip through boonies land in Newcastle - no beer 19. Spend week with daughter whilst step mother flies from Italy -- her first holiday in 20 years and dad dies -- bastard always got the last word - Australian beer 20. Fly to Italy for work through Turkey - 20 USD for visa at Turkish border - no beer - for first time ever security checks accelerometer - explain a box with single light and 2 ports in Turkey to TSA guys -- no beer 21. Fly to Rome - no beer 22. Get train to Bologna - no beer 23. Walk to accommodation - no beer, coke water and the elevator is broken - 3 computers and 4 accelerometers has mass of about 15 kg on back. - Hint do not let airport weigh backpack 24. Walk to favourite restaurant in whole world on main Piazza - sit down ask for Sicilian beer - numero uno 25. Waiter tells you made by Heineken -- you laugh and drink beer and sit next to American tourist who says the beer is good not like that Heineken stuff 26. You make his day - tell tourist you know beer made by Mafia in secret plant -- why do people believe you if you tell story with straight face All of the above is true. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
welshblue 2,648 Report post Posted July 16 Dai was watching Wales versus England in Cardiff. In the packed stadium there was only one empty seat, right next to him. “Whose is that seat?” asked a man in the row behind. “I got the ticket for my wife,” said Dai. “But she died in an accident.” “So you’re keeping the seat vacant as a mark of respect?” “No,” said the fan, “I offered it to all of my friends.” “So why didn’t they take it?” “They’ve all gone to the funeral.” Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
macneacail 1 Report post Posted July 16 True Story: Friend's mother died. Her husband had called her wif her whole life. Two guys at the funeral heard the mother's real name and said out loud, where is WIF. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
welshblue 2,648 Report post Posted July 17 12 hours ago, macneacail said: True Story: Yep there can be humour in death. Like the time my Mum was in intensive care and a nurse was asking questions ... "Is she mobile ? " was one, to which my brother replied " She's got one but I don't know the number " - 9 people peeing their pants with laughter was not a good tone, so we had to leave. Sadly she died that night and I had to go back to the hospital the next day for the paperwork ... and found myself in the wrong toilets ... "Please don't scream" was the only thing I could say to the nurse when she saw me standing behind her after I came out of a cubicle. I still don't think she had to point me out to everyone she saw and laugh. Felt a right deviant I don't want hymns at my funeral - Stephen Lynch songs will do nicely ... I bet there will be more people laughing than crying anyways when I go, so may as well join in 😁 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BoltBait 2,526 Report post Posted July 21 Am I the only one around here old enough to remember when they used to print the pictures of missing children on milk cartons? 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
welshblue 2,648 Report post Posted July 23 ... for a few minutes I stopped being worried for the future - then remembered. Don't trust a Trump ... 93,000 old women and men have royally had us over ... Just the name Boris Johnson definitely belongs in a comedy thread Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
