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The Comedy Thread

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Took my wife to the Doctor yesterday to see about her Tourettes.


She doesn't have it. Apparently I am an D***head and she does want me to F off.

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some would say there's only a colour difference between water and Heineken 


1. You leave home and drive 2 hours at 2 am to Houston to catch a plane - no beer 

2. You fly to NY and find out you have to change airports - no beer

3. You take a bus - no beer

4. You fly to Toronto - no beer

5. You fly to some small place in Novo Scotia and buy a Scottish T Shirt - Which you can not wear anywhere as it says "If I was wearing underpants it would be a dress it is a kilt" - Canadian Beer 

6. Your father dies in Australia so you arrange to fly to Australia -- 

7. Fly to Toronto - no beer

8. Fly to Rome - no beer under 15 dollars a can - El Cheapo airlines 

9 Arrive late need hotel 

10. Taxi driver says fixed fee in Rome -- agree to pay 50 Euros - he drives you to Hotel 1 block from airport - no beer at Hotel - but the lady wanted to know if I wanted an hour or a night

11. Walk to airport

12. Catch plane to Qatar - coke

13. Catch plane to Sydney - sleep

14. Get off in Sydney and no one at airport - no beer

15 Wait two hours - decide to take train home

16. Trains cancelled to Newcastle - put on bus with 15 small kids who are all sick and coughing -- is nose dribble that is yellow bad or is the green worse - no drinks

17. Ring daughter tell her if she not pick you up you will say terrible things to her boyfriend about the pictures - no pictures but it always works 

18. 4 hours later after trip through boonies land in Newcastle  - no beer

19. Spend week with daughter whilst step mother flies from Italy -- her first holiday in 20 years and dad dies -- bastard always got the last word - Australian beer

20. Fly to Italy for work through Turkey - 20 USD for visa at Turkish border - no beer - for first time ever security checks accelerometer - explain a box with single light and 2 ports in Turkey to TSA guys -- no beer

21. Fly to Rome - no beer

22. Get train to Bologna - no beer

23. Walk to accommodation - no beer, coke water and the elevator is broken - 3 computers and 4 accelerometers has mass of about 15 kg on back. - Hint do not let airport weigh backpack

24. Walk to favourite restaurant in whole world on main Piazza - sit down ask for Sicilian beer - numero uno

25. Waiter tells you made by Heineken -- you laugh and drink beer and sit next to American tourist who says the beer is good not like that Heineken stuff 

26. You make his day - tell tourist you know beer made by Mafia in secret plant -- why do people believe you if you tell story with straight face


All of the above is true. 




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I keep seeing these...




I keep thinking this....




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