Maximilian Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 PA: Doctor, there's a man on line 3 who says he is invisible. Doctor: Well, tell him I can't see him right now. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximilian Posted September 12, 2017 Share Posted September 12, 2017 A duck walks into a bar and asks: “Got any bread?” Barman says: “No.” Duck says: “Got any bread?” Barman says: “No.” Duck says: “Got any bread?” Barman says: “No, we have no bread.” Duck says: “Got any bread?” Barman says: “No, we haven't got any bread!” Duck says: “Got any bread?” Barman says: “Are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread and if you ask me again, I'll nail your dang beak to the bar, you irritating dang duck!!!” Duck says: “Got any nails?” Barman says: “No!” Duck says: “Got any bread?” 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seerose Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 (edited) If there is no nails, then she can not say bread. Edited April 17, 2018 by Seerose 2 Quote Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Gandhi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximilian Posted September 13, 2017 Share Posted September 13, 2017 3 hours ago, Seerose said: If there is no nails, then she can not say bread. ........... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seerose Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 Womens Three women are having lunch, discussing their husbands. The first says, "My husband is cheating on me, I just know it. I found a pair of stockings in his jacket pocket, and they weren't mine!" The second says, "My husband is cheating on me, I just know it. I found a condom in his wallet, so I poked it full of holes with my sewing needle!" The third woman fainted. 2 Quote Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Gandhi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadJik Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 men Two fellows are walking in the street following two women. The first one says, "You see these two women? The one on the left is my wife, the one on the right is my lover."The second says "it's funny, for me it's the opposite". 2 Quote My DeviantArt | My Pictorium | My Plugins | Donate via Paypal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximilian Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Q: What does the word benign mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seerose Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 (edited) Edited April 17, 2018 by Seerose 2 1 Quote Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Gandhi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoltBait Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition and discovered he had seriously misunderstood the objective. 3 Quote Click to play: Download: BoltBait's Plugin Pack | CodeLab | and how about a Computer Dominos Game Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooter Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 (edited) OK if you are going to limit my "likes" I'll, I'll just show you...... Take This! 1- 2- A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first Football [ American- for our soccer friends] game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was... 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!" 3- The Cynical Philosopher... Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number? Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive. I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? You're not fat, you're just... easier to see. Edited September 16, 2017 by Scooter 4 Quote Scooter Age is only a number --in my case a Really BIG number, but there you have it When the prefect paint.net image is created, I will still be wondering "How they Do that?"- sigh☺️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximilian Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 I saw an ad that read, “Radio for sale. $1. Volume stuck on full.” I immediately thought I wouldn't turn it down!! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seerose Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 (edited) Edited April 17, 2018 by Seerose 3 Quote Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Gandhi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoltBait Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 "Orion's Belt is a big waist of space." Terrible joke. Only 3 stars. 4 Quote Click to play: Download: BoltBait's Plugin Pack | CodeLab | and how about a Computer Dominos Game Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooter Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 On 9/19/2017 at 9:15 AM, welshblue said: Men in 1845 - " I just shot a buffalo" Men in 1952 - " I just fixed the roof" Men in 2017 - " I just shaved my legs and waxed my eyebrows" AWWWWWWWWW! say it isn't so..... 1 Quote Scooter Age is only a number --in my case a Really BIG number, but there you have it When the prefect paint.net image is created, I will still be wondering "How they Do that?"- sigh☺️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seerose Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 At a large wedding party, a ventriloquist with his dummy presents his show. He lets go of one blonde joke after another. Is a blonde sometimes up and shouts: What is that? We're not as stupid as they say! The Bauchredner tries to apologize: Yes, so that was not meant so now synonymous. I really wanted ... I can also .... If the blonde interrupts him, I will not talk to them, I will talk to the little fellow in her lap! 1 Quote Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Gandhi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrevorOutlaw Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 Heard this joke on a mission trip years ago. An elderly couple were celebrating their wedding anniversary. The man, having a romantic thought, said to his wife, "After 50 years, I have found you tried and true." The wife, having hearing loss, said, "What?" The man repeated, "After 50 years, I have found you tried and true." "What?" Irritated, the man said in raised voice, "After 50 years, I have found you tried and true!" "Well, after 50 years, I'm sick and tired of you too!" 2 Quote Paint.NET Gallery | Remove Foreground Object Tutorial | Dispersion Effect Tutorial Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seerose Posted September 23, 2017 Share Posted September 23, 2017 (edited) Edited April 17, 2018 by Seerose 2 Quote Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Gandhi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximilian Posted September 24, 2017 Share Posted September 24, 2017 An opinion without 3.14 is an onion 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seerose Posted September 24, 2017 Share Posted September 24, 2017 (edited) A blonde in a sports car stops at a traffic sign. A homeless man taps her windscreen and asks for a cigarette. She gives him one and goes off. When she stops again at a traffic sign, the homeless again knocks at her windscreen and asks for fire. She gives him a fire and goes off again. When she stops again at a traffic sign, the homeless again knocks on her windshield. She asks him, "How do you do that whenever I stop, you'll be standing next to my car?" The homeless answers: "Give me 10 euros and I'll help you out of the roundabout!" Edited September 24, 2017 by Seerose 3 Quote Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Gandhi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seerose Posted September 24, 2017 Share Posted September 24, 2017 Dear @Maximilian! Thank you for your constant support. 1 Quote Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Gandhi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximilian Posted September 24, 2017 Share Posted September 24, 2017 1 hour ago, Seerose said: (...) The homeless answers: "Give me 10 euros and I'll help you out of the roundabout!" 6 minutes ago, Seerose said: Dear @Maximilian! Thank you for your constant support. Always here for the good friends!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seerose Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Doctor: "Now turn off the Walkman and take off the headphones!" Blonde: "Do not go, they are necessary!" The doctor becomes too colorful and the blonde takes off the headphones. The blonde starts catching a fish like a fish and runs blue. The physician becomes queasy. He picks up his headphones and hears "breathe in - breathe out - inhale - exhale" 2 Quote Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Gandhi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoltBait Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese." The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both, slams each glass onto the bar, turns to the first mouse, and replies, "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day." The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this. I've got a date with the cat." 6 Quote Click to play: Download: BoltBait's Plugin Pack | CodeLab | and how about a Computer Dominos Game Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximilian Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 Did you know that actor Raymond Burr had a brother who was a lumberjack? No? Well, his name was Tim 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seerose Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 Dear Sir @BoltBait and Dear @Maxilian! I'll be in the next time to give you a reputation. (Tomorrow) Quote Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Gandhi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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