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AGJM

I find it hard to experience true happiness.

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I truly do find it hard to experience, or at least enjoy, happiness.

I may smile or laugh, but the feeling seems to be false. I almost want it to disappear, as it feels so fake. Sadness feels heavy and real, happiness feels light and fake.

When the (brief) feeling disappears, I start to feel sad; why did I buy into it? Why did I even bother to smile? Why did it feel like I wasn't even truly happy, like I was just observing someone who was that way?

The sadness typically lasts longer, and increases over the smallest things. If I drop my pencil and it breaks, when I feel like this, I may have to fight tears. I don't care that much about my pencil, though. The feeling just comes and lingers. People may try to cheer me up, but that makes it worse. (I typically try to be by myself because of things like this, but people think I do it so others will give me attention. I don't do it much anymore.) Anything that makes me happy also makes me sad, when the happiness ends. It's truly demotivating. I may be working on a project, I'll design a nice graphic, and then I discover that my printer doesn't do it any justice. I might just give up and go to sleep.

I can tell that not everyone is like this, even kids my age... My parents, and some others, say hormones but I disagree as my peers aren't like this... but then again, I don't think they are "maturing" at an average rate. Some are still as short as my nine year old sister.

But seriously... What does happiness feel like to you? I don't like it, myself. To me its like sweetened water. The idea is nice - a flavor, typically one that people enjoy, but when you get a taste of it you immediately want it gone.

Also, any ideas as to why I feel like this..?

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Yes, I would agree with your parents, Hormones is probably it.

I'd like to argue that it isn't, but you are probably right.

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Remember: Emotion is a affective state characterized by cortical arousal and stimulation of the autonomic nervous system. Nothing more. boltbait.big_smile.png

Now that I've got that flippant remark out of the way...,

I detect a common theme amongst some of your recent threads AGJM. While I would like to help you, I'm not a counsellor. I doubt many here have such skills. Even if they did, I'm not sure they would feel comfortable using their skills in such an open forum.

Are you sure you shouldn't be discussing this sort of stuff with a professional?

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Remember: Emotion is a affective state characterized by cortical arousal and stimulation of the autonomic nervous system. Nothing more. boltbait.big_smile.png

Now that I've got that flippant remark out of the way...,

I detect a common theme amongst some of your recent threads AGJM. While I would like to help you, I'm not a counsellor. I doubt many here have such skills. Even if they did, I'm not sure they would feel comfortable using their skills in such an open forum.

Are you sure you shouldn't be discussing this sort of stuff with a professional?

I have before, which came up with ADD. After that, my mom quit taking me.

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I've struggled with the same things in my life. I felt like nothing was going right, nobody understood or listened, my siblings treat me like trash and care about the dumbest stuff. Then I started reading my bible more, I was looking for God to speak to me to help me. He spoke almost audibly it was so clear. He said, "Your perspective is all wrong." Then I relized that things weren't really as bad as I believed. The bible says, "think on that which is good, pure, true, etc." so if it is bad, negative, or false (even a rumor) don't think on it. I also relized that like it says in James regarding trials, that that includes life's difficulties, not just temptations or dying for your faith. God WILL use your situation. That I promise you. It may be a year longer before he reveals how he worked, but he will, and that's where faith comes in. God works everything to good, for them that love him. He wants you to think positively, read your bible, ask him to speak to you, worship him, pray, and trust, in faith, that he wants what is best, though we don't understand. Ask for his peace. I know it is hard because I fought and still fight the same thing, but if you give him your troubles (tell him that you are trusting him to take care of it on his own time) and don't worry about it, then you will feel a great release of anxiety. You couldn't do anything about it but God can and will. Focus yourself on Him. Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness (seek to know him more personally and seek to live in the spirit, defeating your flesh, by obeying him) and all else will be added to you. This means if you seek him he will take care of your needs.

It sounds too simple I know, but believe me when I say I thought the same thing, but when I started doing it, I saw that it wasn't complicated, I made it complicated by being conviced that my situation was too big for that simple a solution.

Our hearts deceive ourselves into thinking it's too simple to work. Trust God not your self, or your flesh will lie to you every time.

Life's hard my brother, but God cares and has the key to help us through and grow our faith by these struggles.

I'll be praying for you!

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You know the part where NMD talks about what you think on? Re-read it. A powerful statement from someone so young.

There must be a kids helpline that you can call if your mother will not take you to see a counsellor. Can you speak to someone at school.

True, happiness is fleeting & sometimes we are afraid of the sensation or afraid that it will not last. A readjustment in our thinking is required here. Who makes us happy? What makes us happy? We do! US! We control our emotions. Nobody can make you feel anything unless you allow it. It takes practice - lots of it to do that.

Talk to someone, either a doctor, kids helpline or school counsellor or church leader.

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Thanks BBQ but, I can take no credit. God said it in His Word, I'm just another person he's had to remind, and I know he wants me to encourage others as well. I just blessed to know it as true and have experienced it, now my job is to share that with others.

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I usually say the wrong things in threads like this ... Lots of great thoughts above ...

I leave Judging people to old men in grey wigs but I'm surprised your parents can't see how unhappy you are ? Can't you sit down as a family and get them to understand how you feel ?? I'm glad you feel confident enough to express yourself here. 'Bottling it up' is never a good thing. Agitating the psyche and leaving it bubble only leads to negative things in my experience/ observations

Another way to express/ release your angst can be through your art. I haven't had time to comment on your latest pieces yet but I enjoyed them on the first peek. Especially that second one. Potential to be a fireball ?

Stay strong Star

*** Edit. Did I really say the word angst :| Too much influence from music. I must have been thinking of THIS when I typed. The wonders of the mind @ play

*** Now listening to the best of album :)

3rd Edit ... after listening to the above link again ... possibly not a good choice of music. Needles should only be beneficial ... drink beer in the White Horse, never ride it. It'll always bite you on the @rse

Edited by welshblue
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50+ years of personal experience says you are wrong & furthermore, the good/happy times count double 2.gif

well said Barbie being in the 50+ and then some group I truly beleive that you are correct good/happy times count as double.

if it helps here is a quote I tend to live by. Look up the author on google fascinating gentleman

Bertrand Russell

What we need is not the will to believe, but the wish to find out.

This quote can be applied to all areas of our lives, generally low self esteem leads to unhappiness. Overcoming the fear of not fitting in, being overlooked etc. is correctable with a positive self image.

This is an excellent article from the internet about boosting your self esteem. Well written, easy to understand and most important of all doable.

http://www.true.com/magazine/dating_be_true.htm print it out type up the key points and paste them on your bathroom mirror where you will see them every morning when you brush your teeth and get ready to face the day. It works

Edited by oma
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One of the most important things that brings us happiness is interaction w/other people. Remember, we are social creatures.

Think back on times in your memory that brought you happiness. Most likely it was doing something with somebody else. Not to necessarily discourage online activities, but our interaction online is not truly socializing. You can't shake a person's hand with somebody you just met. You can't feel the strength or the warmth of that handshake. You can't (usually) see the smile in someone's eyes, etc.

Maybe what you need is some sort of social interaction. For instance, maybe some canoeing on some quiet river or lake. There you can take your mind off all the troubles of the world, converse with the other person, enjoy the beauty of the outdoors and the nature within the enviornment, stop on some part of the shore and have a little barbeque, etc. (don't forget to cleanup after yourself).

Basically, just relax and create something new and pleasureable with somebody else. The more you participate in these sort of activities with others the more pleasure you will find and the more enjoyable memories you will accumulate.

Also, in planning on something to do with others, one of the things I find that contributes to a better event in most circumstances, is not to plan at all (or very little). As an example, my family and I simply took off together on a holiday weekend with no set destination in mind. We ended up driving from New Hampshire to Niagara Falls. Enroute we stopped and spent a night at a motel, and in the morning set off in the westward direction that we started with and when we got within the area of Buffalo NY we more or less decided to go check out the falls. Also as part of out time there, we decided to go for a short trip into Canada (again with no specific plan - just to say it was another country we've visited).

The reason why I find "not planning" to be useful is because you can rarely be disappointed in its outcome because you never planned it in the first place. Obviously, in whatever you do you always need to practice good judgement so not to get yourself into some sort of bind. So you plan for some event, but not detailed. For instance, in the example above we prepared lightly for a trip: Money/credit cards, gas, cell phones, etc., but the specific details were unknown.

Anyways, I know you can't simply jump into a car and takeoff. But, you can still just do some simple things to get yourself involved with others. Like maybe go to a park and watch someone playing a guitar. Heck my brother and I did this once. Not that we watched someone else, we took our guitars and played some songs that we learned and the kids in the park enjoyed it (and I'm not a great musician - I can fake some simple stuff, and sometimes that is enough).

I hope these thoughts are helpful.

Edited by jim100361
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