first and foremost, I would like to thank everyone for their replies. No, I don't look too much into the bible for answers, it just leads to more questions for me....and I'm still left with a hole that burns too much to bear.
I am seeing a therapist, and she's good, but my husband refuses any type of counceling, he doesn't want this to work out.
My rant for tonight:
He just told me that he regrets having me here and that he is unhappy and the only reason he's "letting me stay here" is because of our son. I'm not searching for help. I'm just venting. I'm so hurt I don't know if anyone here has felt this pain before... I'm trapped here and I can't do anything about it, I'm not financially stable enough to support my son, and my husband isn't giving him up without a long drawn-out court thing. So I've become this drone, that doesn't have feelings (or at least can't show them due to the high dosage of anti-depressants) just sitting here forever indebted to my husband who for some reason turns everything around on me, who has chosen eternal unhappiness to be with my son. I wish I was selfish enough to take the easy way out. But I have my ray of sunshine... my little boy, that's what makes it so hard.
Sorry I just need to vent and if anyone is listening or even reads this... thank you for taking the time. Because all I need right now is for someone to care about me.