Haha, I mean pixels.
What's interesting is that I tried The GIMP, and it warned me, saying that the TIFF used 16 bits/channel, and it would have to convert to 8 bits/channel. After I converted it, the file size was halved, and even MSPaint could open it, with no noticeable artifacts or loss in quality.
Presumably, Paint.Net was not able to open the image because the TIFF used 16 bits/channel. I'll have to change that setting in my scanning application.
While my dilemma is now solved, I'll upload the image as a curious anomaly, in the hopes that its secrets may be divulged by some image-master such as yourself.
I can post it on the forum, because it's merely a scan of a ridiculous biology paper.
Images
4.tif is the 8-channel version created by the GIMP.
5.tif is an untouched scan.
Thanks for all of your help and effort.