MikeRobe

The Comedy Thread

190 posts in this topic

keepyourhand.png

 

mygirlfriend.png

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Blondes Talking about Geography


Two blondes were talking about geography. One of them said it is possible to see England from Canada.
The other blonde looking rather confused said, ” I don’t think so”
The first blonde said, “See how close they are on the map.”

===============================================

Glaciers Brought Rocks


A blonde on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, “Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?”
“The glaciers brought them down,” said the guide.
“But where are the glaciers?”
“The glaciers,” said the guide in a frustrated tone, “have gone back for more rocks.”

===============================================

Blonde Trying New Dress


Blonde 1: That dress is too tight for you. It’s skintight!
Blonde 2: It’s tighter than my skin.
Blonde 1: How could anything be tighter than your skin?
Blonde 2: I can sit down in my skin, but I can’t in this dress.

===============================================

Home Improvement


A Blonde goes to the bank and applies for a loan.
“I want a loan, I’m going to divorce my husband.”
“Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces” the manager says, “We make loans for appliances, automobiles, businesses, home improvements….”
Blonde interrupts and says, “Well, this is certainly a ‘Home Improvement.’ 


 

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

 

My thesaurus arrived yesterday, but when I opened it, due to a printing error, it was blank inside. I have no words to describe how angry I am.

 

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat? Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.

 

I don't like trees, they're kinda shady.

 

I tried to work in an orange juice factory but I couldn't concentrate.

 

This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder...

 

Did you hear about the ship carrying blue paint and the ship carrying red paint that crashed into the same island? All the sailors were marooned.

5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On the latest two posts: MG_119.gifJC-hysterical.gifLaieA_014.gif

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

<3 Sir @BoltBait! Just great! Lipstick is also great. groehl.gif daumenhoch.gif Thank you so much. :beer: :pizza:

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Blonde Uses Her Mind


Two blonde sisters were lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog barking.

It had been barking for hours and hours.
Suddenly, one blonde jumps out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this,” and goes downstairs.
Finally she comes back up to bed and says, “The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?”
Blonde says, “I’ve put their dog in our yard – now we’ll see how they like it!”

=======================================

Hair Restorer


Blonde Samantha’s hair kept falling out and she complained to the barber “That stuff you gave me is terrible!

You said two bottles of it would make me hair grow, but nothing’s happened.”
“I do not understand it,” said the barber. “That is the best hair restorer made.”
“Well,” said Samantha, “I do not mind drinking another bottle, but it better work!”

=======================================

Parked Somewhere Else


A blonde was filling out an accident report. She had dented a parked car while trying to park her own.
One question on the report was, “What could the operator of the other vehicle have done to avoid the accident?”
She wrote, “He could have parked it somewhere else.”

=======================================

Road Line Painter


A blonde got a job as a road line-painter.

She paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day.
“You get worse and worse every day!” yelled his boss.
“That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day.” said blonde with a cute smile.
 

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:LayersMoveLayerUp::LayersMoveLayerUp:  -  Oi ........ I'm a blonde :lol:

 

b%20and%20ginger_zpsnhe4shhr.jpg

 

      

 

 

 

 

 

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Blonde’s Thanksgiving


It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family.

Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone.

The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.
“Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!” said the daughter.
“Did it not taste good?” her mother asked.
“I don’t know,” the blonde said. “It wouldn’t sit still!”
=========================================

Blood Test


Doctor: Mrs. Samantha, you look exhausted.
Samantha (A blonde) : I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and

told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it.

=========================================

Same Color


One day blonde Samantha asks her friend Rosy, “So Rosy what did you get for Christmas?”
Rosy, “Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?”
Samantha says, “OOOOH WOW!!! I got the same exact color tie!”
 

 

 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Blonde in Factory


A foreman of a factory was making his rounds inspecting how all of the workers were doing their jobs.

“Well” he said to one blond worker, “I see you are doing a very diligent job stamping all of the boxes ‘THIS SIDE UP’.

“Yes” the worker replied, eager to please, “and just to be extra sure I stamped the bottom also!”

====================================

Blonde and the mailbox


An old man was out watering his garden when his blonde neighbor came out.

She walked to her mailbow, opened it, closed it and walked back inside.

A couple minutes later she came out again opened her mailbox and closed it.

She did this a couple of times and each time she seemed to get angrier.

Finally the old man watched as she walked to the mailbow looked in it and slammed it shut.

The old man asked “Why do you keep checking your mailbox?” the blonde looked at him and replied “My computer keeps saying I got mail!”

====================================
Blondes Thermos


A blonde goes to work and sees that one of her co-workers has a thermos.

She asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, ”It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold”
The blonde was amazed and when she got home immediately went out and bought one.
The next day she goes to work and is proud that she has this wonderful object.
The same co-worker realizes she has a thermos and says, ”What do you have in it?” she says, ”Soup, and ice cream!’
====================================

Confused Blonde


As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.
The blonde began, “It was the strangest thing! I Looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right.

Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another …”
The sheriff thought for a minute and then said,

“Mam … I don’t know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener.”
 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You may not quite sea it, but I'm not posting this on porpoise. I'm just fishing for reps and laughs because I'm diving into hooking you in :P So, water you thinking of it? Took the bait already? :)

 

sea_mine.jpg

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Puzzle


A blonde calls her boyfriend at 5 in the afternoon.

“I need help with this KILLER tiger puzzle, I’ve been working on it since this morning!”

So the boyfriend goes to her house, looks at the puzzle pieces on the table, then the box, and sighed.

Okay….First, no matter what we do to this it isn’t going to look ANYTHING like a tiger.

Second, relax, de-stress….and third…..” The boyfriend now puts his head in his hand and sighs. “…help me clean up the damn frosted flakes.”

=================================

Blonde Swimming Joke


There were a brunette, a black haired girl, a ranger and a blonde on a island.

They were 200km away from safety. They all decided they will swim to safety.
The ranger swam 5km and drowned, the black haired swam 20km and drowned,

the brunette swam 50km and drowned. but when the blonde had her turn she swam 100km and said…
“i m tired!” so she swam all the way back to the island..

=================================

Blonde at the doctors


A brunette goes to the doctor, and says to him “Doctor I’m hurting all over my body.”
“That’s odd” replied the doctor “Show me what you mean”
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain.

She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says to her “Your not a natural brunette are you?”
“No I’m a blonde” she replies.
“I thought so…. your finger is broken.” replies the doctor.
 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lame Question

 

A man was disturbing a nurse by asking lame questions every now and then, he asked,

“How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat? Nurse: “Cut your head off.”

============================

Beautiful Nurse

 

“What do you do?” a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with. “I’m a nurse.”
“I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me,” he whispered in her ear.
“That would be miraculous. I work on the maternity ward.”

============================

Another Doctor

 

The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick old man and said,
“I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”.
“Yes,” replied the old man faintly, “Another doctor”.
 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now