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MikeRobe, May 20, 2014
Posted June 12
Posted June 15
Blondes Talking about Geography
Two blondes were talking about geography. One of them said it is possible to see England from Canada.
The other blonde looking rather confused said, ” I don’t think so”
The first blonde said, “See how close they are on the map.”
Glaciers Brought Rocks
A blonde on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, “Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?”
“The glaciers brought them down,” said the guide.
“But where are the glaciers?”
“The glaciers,” said the guide in a frustrated tone, “have gone back for more rocks.”
Blonde Trying New Dress
Blonde 1: That dress is too tight for you. It’s skintight!
Blonde 2: It’s tighter than my skin.
Blonde 1: How could anything be tighter than your skin?
Blonde 2: I can sit down in my skin, but I can’t in this dress.
A Blonde goes to the bank and applies for a loan.
“I want a loan, I’m going to divorce my husband.”
“Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces” the manager says, “We make loans for appliances, automobiles, businesses, home improvements….”
Blonde interrupts and says, “Well, this is certainly a ‘Home Improvement.’
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
My thesaurus arrived yesterday, but when I opened it, due to a printing error, it was blank inside. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat? Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.
I don't like trees, they're kinda shady.
I tried to work in an orange juice factory but I couldn't concentrate.
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder...
Did you hear about the ship carrying blue paint and the ship carrying red paint that crashed into the same island? All the sailors were marooned.
Posted June 16
On the latest two posts:
Sir @BoltBait! Just great! Lipstick is also great. Thank you so much.
Blonde Uses Her Mind
Two blonde sisters were lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog barking.
It had been barking for hours and hours.
Suddenly, one blonde jumps out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this,” and goes downstairs.
Finally she comes back up to bed and says, “The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?”
Blonde says, “I’ve put their dog in our yard – now we’ll see how they like it!”
Blonde Samantha’s hair kept falling out and she complained to the barber “That stuff you gave me is terrible!
You said two bottles of it would make me hair grow, but nothing’s happened.”
“I do not understand it,” said the barber. “That is the best hair restorer made.”
“Well,” said Samantha, “I do not mind drinking another bottle, but it better work!”
Parked Somewhere Else
A blonde was filling out an accident report. She had dented a parked car while trying to park her own.
One question on the report was, “What could the operator of the other vehicle have done to avoid the accident?”
She wrote, “He could have parked it somewhere else.”
Road Line Painter
A blonde got a job as a road line-painter.
She paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day.
“You get worse and worse every day!” yelled his boss.
“That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day.” said blonde with a cute smile.
- Oi ........ I'm a blonde .
Posted June 18
It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family.
Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone.
The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.
“Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!” said the daughter.
“Did it not taste good?” her mother asked.
“I don’t know,” the blonde said. “It wouldn’t sit still!”
Doctor: Mrs. Samantha, you look exhausted.
Samantha (A blonde) : I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and
told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it.
One day blonde Samantha asks her friend Rosy, “So Rosy what did you get for Christmas?”
Rosy, “Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?”
Samantha says, “OOOOH WOW!!! I got the same exact color tie!”
Posted Monday at 05:41 PM
Blonde in Factory
A foreman of a factory was making his rounds inspecting how all of the workers were doing their jobs.
“Well” he said to one blond worker, “I see you are doing a very diligent job stamping all of the boxes ‘THIS SIDE UP’.
“Yes” the worker replied, eager to please, “and just to be extra sure I stamped the bottom also!”
Blonde and the mailbox
An old man was out watering his garden when his blonde neighbor came out.
She walked to her mailbow, opened it, closed it and walked back inside.
A couple minutes later she came out again opened her mailbox and closed it.
She did this a couple of times and each time she seemed to get angrier.
Finally the old man watched as she walked to the mailbow looked in it and slammed it shut.
The old man asked “Why do you keep checking your mailbox?” the blonde looked at him and replied “My computer keeps saying I got mail!”
A blonde goes to work and sees that one of her co-workers has a thermos.
She asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, ”It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold”
The blonde was amazed and when she got home immediately went out and bought one.
The next day she goes to work and is proud that she has this wonderful object.
The same co-worker realizes she has a thermos and says, ”What do you have in it?” she says, ”Soup, and ice cream!’
As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.
The blonde began, “It was the strangest thing! I Looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right.
Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another …”
The sheriff thought for a minute and then said,
“Mam … I don’t know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener.”
Posted Wednesday at 02:52 AM
Posted Wednesday at 03:13 AM
You may not quite sea it, but I'm not posting this on porpoise. I'm just fishing for reps and laughs because I'm diving into hooking you in So, water you thinking of it? Took the bait already?
Posted Thursday at 02:06 AM
Posted Thursday at 06:57 PM
A blonde calls her boyfriend at 5 in the afternoon.
“I need help with this KILLER tiger puzzle, I’ve been working on it since this morning!”
So the boyfriend goes to her house, looks at the puzzle pieces on the table, then the box, and sighed.
Okay….First, no matter what we do to this it isn’t going to look ANYTHING like a tiger.
Second, relax, de-stress….and third…..” The boyfriend now puts his head in his hand and sighs. “…help me clean up the damn frosted flakes.”
Blonde Swimming Joke
There were a brunette, a black haired girl, a ranger and a blonde on a island.
They were 200km away from safety. They all decided they will swim to safety.
The ranger swam 5km and drowned, the black haired swam 20km and drowned,
the brunette swam 50km and drowned. but when the blonde had her turn she swam 100km and said…
“i m tired!” so she swam all the way back to the island..
Blonde at the doctors
A brunette goes to the doctor, and says to him “Doctor I’m hurting all over my body.”
“That’s odd” replied the doctor “Show me what you mean”
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain.
She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says to her “Your not a natural brunette are you?”
“No I’m a blonde” she replies.
“I thought so…. your finger is broken.” replies the doctor.
Posted yesterday at 05:13 AM
Posted 6 hours ago
A man was disturbing a nurse by asking lame questions every now and then, he asked,
“How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat? Nurse: “Cut your head off.”
“What do you do?” a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with. “I’m a nurse.”
“I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me,” he whispered in her ear.
“That would be miraculous. I work on the maternity ward.”
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick old man and said,
“I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”.
“Yes,” replied the old man faintly, “Another doctor”.
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