MikeRobe

The Comedy Thread

127 posts in this topic

—Why don't crabs give to charity?

—Because they're shellfish

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Today I met the man who invented the crossword puzzle.

 

I can't remember his name. But, it was P something something T something something something...

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— What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms?
— HeHe

😉

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21348641_zpstsdu7gnu.jpg

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On 2/3/2017 at 0:16 PM, Seerose said:

<3  @Maximilian:lol:  expo.gif

JC_cheesy.gif

 

 

Boss: “How good are you at PowerPoint?”

Me: “I Excel at it.”

Boss: “Was that a Microsoft Office pun?”

Me: “Word.”

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What starts with 'w' and ends with 'hat'.

 

Spoiler

It's not a question. :lol:

 

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An american farmer is on a holiday to europe and he's bragging to another hotel guest, also a farmer, about his property.
He's got more cattle, a bigger ranch, a bigger house, but he only seems to bore the other farmer.

Finally, he really tries to impress him by saying:

"When I take my car and drive all around my ranch, it takes me a whole week!", to which te other one replies:

"Yes, I had a car like that once."
 

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I entered a beauty contest. Not only did I come in last, but I got 37 get well cards.

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Iam%20the%20reason_zpspmtx1ocr.png

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Today I wanted to watch the World Origami Championship on TV, but sadly it was only available on paper view :P

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 A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:

     Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
     Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
     Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
     Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
     Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
     Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
     Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
     Bartender: "What's a 15?"
     Blonde: "7 and 7"
 

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— How do you get an astronaut's baby to sleep?meeting.gif

— How? scratch_one-s_head.gif

— You rocket! preved.gif

 

yes3.gif

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doxie_zpsiee9nacg.jpg

 

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A little boy swallowed some coins and was taken to hospital. When his mom asked a nurse how he was doing, the nurse replied “no change yet”. As for the mom, no one had realized her dental implant until it came out in this conversation. Now, I'm never a grumbler when it comes to toothaches because I've been to the dentist's a number of times, and so I know the drill.

 

(Hope you liked the anecdotes :P)

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Zoo Keeper to his wife:"I've lost one of my elephant's"
His wife:"Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
Zoo Keeper:"Don't be silly, he can't read!"
 

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Is%20this%20how_zps29qamozw.png

 

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tp.png

 

Think of all the time I'll save by never having to buy toilet paper again!

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Teacher:"Why were you late?"
"Sorry, teacher, I overslept".
"You mean you need to sleep at home too!"
 

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Englishman walks into a bar and sits down when he notices a pen on the floor. He picks it up and says to the guy next to him "oi mate is this your scribbler."
The Irishman sitting beside him says "give it here till i have a look" and with that begins writing on some paper.
"Wank it is and all." Says the Irishman.
"How ya know?" Says the Englishman.
"Sure its my handwriting." Says Paddy

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Fat patient: Doctor, I want to lose weight fast. 
Doctor: It is very easy, just keep shaking your head, left and right. 
Fat patient: All the time? 
Doctor: No, only when someone offers you food. 
 

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John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.

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